Innocence.

Innocence.
I was talking to a friend last night, and he elaborated on the idea of one's innocence been stripped away after facing a life tragedy. A heartbreak. A pain. A betrayal. It's the act of being awakened to this world and all of it's wickedness. It is like your eyes instantly or even over time become opened, and your heart becomes hard and unable to feel. The way life was suppose to be is lost. And I feel like if you forget that you will eventually lose sight of truth, even if you are striving for it.

A baby trusts so easily. Growing out of it is like eating the fruit, choosing to see what is around the Garden of ultimate glory. It isn't pretty, and I've seen it face to face recently. I miss the girl I was with God. I miss her. She was so lovely, and free, and child-like, and loving, and patient, and thoughtful, and caring, and giving, and wanting to change the world and touch people's lives. I feel like she is gone. But I can't believe that for the Bible says God will never leave. I can leave Him, but He can't be unfaithful even if we are.

God, I want to be back with you. I can't stand who I am apart from you... I am so scared, and fearful, and wanting to cover up my shame admist this worldly atmosphere. My heart needs you. I need love; Your love. Please send it to me so I can breathe again. So I can love You and trust You once again. Like a baby being born, birth in me a desire for You. I cry out Lord. Please hear my cries. amen.