walking in the desert.

• The desert.

Do you ever feel like you're in one? Spiritually speaking of course...

I have found myself trudging through one for a while now. And I feel like it's in this season that we have one of the greatest opportunities to find God, so I will count it as joy. Even though I find myself panting, light-headed, scorched, and dried-up on the ground sometimes.. I have to get up and keep moving... I know there is hope.

I don't know why God has led me here. But who am I to question Him or His ways. I look around though, and I see nothing... nobody, no source of water or food, no comfort, no beauty, no joy, no peace, nothing to stand in awe over. Nothing. Wow sounds to me like the world, doesn't it!? Do you think God leads us to these places in order for us to fully turn to Him? To see His beauty and what He has to offer. Would He realllly go to that great of lengths just for me? I don't understand. I didn't ask for this desert ground. And hey I know where water and food!... but I've tasted of it and know it doesn't fully satisfy, so I'm going to keep searching. Maybe this journey is God's way of creating in me an appetite to seek Him and Him alone. Maybe He's trying to prove to me that this world really does have nothing to offer that can fully satisfy. People will always let you down, jobs will never satisfy, famliy won't always be there for you, loved ones will always hurt you, people will always reject you, hair will always have split ends, and beauty will always fade. But with God there is everlasting love, joy, peace, acceptance, and beauty. He has always been there, and He forever will be. I don't need to prove anything or become someone better. He is with me now. I just need to realize it. RECEIVE it. Put this world on the back burner and find who I am in God.

Sounds too good to be true, right?

But haven't you felt it... that longing for something more?!
I don't know about you, but I want it.
And God is showing me I need it or else I am going to die in this desert.
What if God led the Israelities through the desert to prove this point to them,
that they need Him.

"Therefore, behold, I will alure her, bring her into the wilderness and speak
tenderly to her. There I will give her her vineyards from there, and the valley
of Achor as a door of hope, and she will sing there as in the days of her youth,
as in the day when she came up from the land of Egypt." (Hosea 2:14-15)

REST.

I feel a beckoning- pulling at me, begging me to come...

Do you feel it too?

I've been searching for this longing since the day I left for Atlanta, GA... honestly. I remember telling my friends that I wish I could feel like I did when I was back at home. This longing, yearning, wanting, can't-live-without feeling for God. I've missed it. And now that's it here again I'm scared it will go away.

I've realized something pivotal in my walk as a Christian. I strive so much to just be enough. I'm continually looking for what's next and how I can do it right. Be enough for my parents approval, be enough to be someones friend, be enough for a guy, be enough to be noticed or praised... This is sounding like pride to me! Some days, my whole day is just routine... I never just l i v e. Maybe resting in who God has created me to be is included in the "life" Jesus said He came to offer those who would follow Him... hm.

I remember one time in MC a man prayed over me because he felt compelled to by the Lord, and it was really odd because he was teaching an inner healing class, and stopped in the middle of the class and called me out of the room. He said, "God wants you to know that He sees you." And then he prayed REST over my entire body.. and afterwards, I felt like a noodle. I thought I had that "Ah ha" moment then but apparantly I didn't. At least I've tasted what it feels like to rest, seen what it looks like to rest, heard about what resting looks like.

I'm ready to live it.
I'm ready to know AND believe that I am right in the sight of God.
I'm ready to let go of my past, let go of my future, and trust His control.
Resting=trusting....
Trusting=life.