My <3

I think if I could describe my heart I would relate it to a hungry animal running around for food.... It's panting; in need to survive. It's always been this way,, and I'm just now realizing it.

I think all of our hearts are this way in some form or fashion before we give it to God. What's scary is this whole time I thought it was in God's hands, but it hasn't been... The realization has made me stop and stand, still panting of course. Except this time I'm not wanting to run, because most days, like today, I just want to give up and kill my heart altogether. But that would lead to a miserable life. I don't want to do that.

How could you be so heartless?

Umm, I always want to come and write on this blog but I never have time anymore. I wish I had like a portable keyboard on me at all times (haha I guess interent on cellphones would work) to write down all these crazy, annoying thoughts that run through my head.

I've realized I have no clue who God is
or what God is
or where God is,
or what "God" means in my life...
I thought I did... but I don't.
And I'm not believing the enemy by saying this.
I truly have missed the greatness of God.
Oh I've tasted it!, but I don't have it.
And I'm running from it.
Because I'm tired.
And my mind needs a break.

But the coldness of my heart is not fun, i can tell ya that.

Quick thought.

I have a quick thought to ponder:

When people state that they love God for who He is, I get really confused. Is there ever a time and place where we can love God selflessly? I feel like I will always need God... IS there a point to where I'm so secure in it that I don't need it anymore??


I wonder....