And it's led me nowhere...
I'm standing infront of this blank canvas right now and I find myself looking back questioning what God has done, questioning what all the effort was for that I put into doing "His will." It seems like a waste.
Why do we always put so much work into knowing what God's will is for our lives? I'm not at all saying that it's bad to seek out God's will or even bad to know, but why sometimes do we feel like we have to know. It's like we want to know so that we can feel like we have at least a little bit of control. But God says no just trust Me! You can only find your life when you lose it! (Mt. 16:25).
I gave my everything to what I thought was God instead of giving my everything to God Himself. Now that I'm standing infront of this blank canvas my heart wants to turn cold because it seems like God has erased all the plans He had for my life. I thought I had my life figured out- you know, what "Gods will" was for me. He's shown me that life is not about that. He is the life. I will find my life when i'm simply just with Him. And being with Him is all that matters. What I do for a living doesn't matter, where I live, how big my house is, how much money I make, what I wear, what kind of car I drive, how many children I have, who I marry... none of it matters. They are all blessings that God gives but they are not the end result to fulfillment. Because in the end, it's just me and God...
Will that be good enough?
I feel so free to just be with God. He's rescued my heart once again and i'm slowly learning to trust Him with my everything. This is a season i'm calling "my rescued heart" because it's a journey i'm on that I thought I had already travled. A journey to fall in love with God and have that be enough. He's caught me with both arms.
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